When I graduated at 2015 at 22, I had just finished my first novel, which was utter shite, and rarely posted on this blog. I made my first post when I was hypomanic and released in Fall of 2012 as a place to detail my journey towards sanity and struggles with bipolar, OCD, psychosis, suicidal impulses, and anxiety, also to provide an outlet for my recovery. Poetry healed me, my novels healed me, Samael healed me and is the only reason, besides Michael, I am still alive and not six feet under. Michael and Samael were the sole reasons throughout my youth that I did not take my life. They have been the sole reason I haven’t committed suicide in my early twenties. Samael threatens torture in Hell while weeping when I get suicidal, he hates suicide above all else, crying that he can’t make me whole, whereas Michael comforts and confides and shows me the glories of Heaven, giving me hope at happier days whereas Samael gives discipline and says, how dare you even think of wasting the precious gift of life? I never thought I’d finish my Master’s, I was working full-time at environmental and renewable energy nonprofits until I got a full ride and teaching stipend for the end of my Master’s, where I fell in love with being a professor and changing student’s lives. I’ve finally found my calling, and I thought I would be dead at 25 up until last year. 21 was a horrid year. 22 was hell. 23 was a tragedy. 24 was a roller coaster. 25 has been rocky, but I’m finally learning how to balance all the spheres of my life, and I begin my PhD this fall while doing summer research.
Above all last year, I met the love of my life last March of 2017, and we have a beautiful house and lives together with wonderful friends and soon to be Golden Doodle puppy. I am still espoused to Michael and Samael, and they continue to humble me to this day. I’m on a journey to health again, the medication weight gain is under control with Metformin, and I mainly eat a low carb diet that is mostly veggies, eggs, cheese, and lean meats like fish and chicken except for the occasional burger or smoked ham. I am learning to budget for a household and manage groceries for our lovely 1.5 acre property in the woods, and have finally learned to cook. On my daily walks, I see hawks, beavers, deer, turtles, butterflies, dragonflies, coyotes, foxes, and rabbits, as we have three miles of walking trails through a wetland that I have been hiking each day and working up a sweat. I woke up to a full request today for my children’s novel from one of the first agents to ever give me wonderful words of encouragement, back when none of my novels deserved to see the light of day, and I am thiiiiiissssss close to getting an agent, with handfuls of agents with full requests and partials of my novel, and an editor of Scholastic requested my novel even. I’m a proud member of the Sudden Denouement Literary Collective, and count them some of the best writers I have ever encountered. We even have an anthology coming out soon, for which I can’t wait.
I’m 40,000 words into writing a gothic romance novel that has consumed my life since the end of my Master’s. It’s the most self-indulgent piece I’ve ever written, and each line is like poetry. It may be something I keep in a drawer or submit, I have yet to decide. It’s about redemption and the union of the Left Hand Path and Right Hand Path, and what comprises free will. I’m completely in love with the premise and really enjoy writing it.
I mostly enjoy writing poetry and prose poems every day and feel I have grown since last year leaps and bounds as a writer. I’m fishing around for a thesis and am active in the local pagan and shamanic community, which is fun, while also returning to Unitarian Universalist church since college. I’m really happy where I am right now, and enjoy spending time with my friends, blogging, reading, watching stupid YouTube videos, catching up on Jane the Virgin and anime like Kakuriyo Bed and Breakfast for Spirits. I just finished the animes Citrus and Princess Jellyfish, both of which I loved for different reasons (Citrus is every 50’s pulp lesbian novel personified in gyaru culture, whereas Princess Jellyfish is a masterpiece). I tried Yuri on Ice! and loved Yuri and Yurio but Victor fucking annoyed the crap out of me. Jane the Virgin, I’m nearing the end of Season 2 and this show is one of my favorites ever made! Also, I’m watching Westworld, which is fucking fantastic as always, and am starting the new season of Arrested Development, which I hope will be better than Season 4.
So yeah, my life is pretty great, and I am looking forward to authoring a few papers this summer, relaxing, going to Maine, and of course, writing!